Madonna opened up about the toll her custody battle over son Rocco Ritchie took on her mental health during a candid appearance on the On Purpose With Jay Shetty podcast.
The mother of six — including four adopted children — reflected on moments throughout her career when she battled suicidal thoughts, citing the fight over her biological son with ex-husband Guy Ritchie as one of the most traumatic. The pair were married from 2000 to 2008.
“There were moments in my life where I wanted to cut my arms off,” the seven-time Grammy winner told Shetty around the 41-minute mark. “I actually contemplated suicide. And that probably sounds really weird coming from me because I’m not emo. But I was like, ‘I can’t take this pain anymore.’”
She went on to explain how she found perspective: “But as soon as you understand that what’s happening to you is a challenge that you are karmically meant to experience and learn from and evolve to a higher level of consciousness then you can look at that event, that experience, as a lesson and not punishment.”
When asked about the ordeal that nearly pushed her to the edge, Madonna stopped short of assigning blame but acknowledged the custody battle over her son Rocco. Back in 2016, she and Guy Ritchie were locked in a months-long legal fight after Rocco chose to stay in the U.K. with his father despite a court order to return to New York with his mother.
“Someone trying to take my child away from me was like, ‘They might as well just kill me.’ That’s really how I was thinking,” she said, recalling how she’d be “sobbing” on the floor of her dressing room while on tour as the battle dragged on.
“I really thought it was like it was the end of the world. I couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t take it. But thank God I don’t feel that way anymore,” she added.
Madonna said she has since forgiven her ex-husband and used the experience to recognize toxic relationship patterns in her own family, starting with her parents — another topic she delved into during the interview.
