Kid Cudi is opening up like never before about one of the darkest moments of his life — a near-fatal overdose and the mental battles that almost ended it all.
In a powerful excerpt from his upcoming memoir, the 41-year-old rapper takes readers back to a night in his Tribeca apartment where he was high on more cocaine than he’d ever used before, sobbing alone for hours.
“I was at peace with dying,” he writes, according to GQ, recalling how he collapsed and felt completely paralyzed. “‘You made great music that people loved,’ I thought. ‘But this is the end.’”
Reflecting further, Cudi says, “I couldn’t make sense of what was plaguing me. It was all happening so fast. The first Man on the Moon had been out for about a year and I was on a rocket ship. Grappling with fame pushed me toward cocaine, which I only ever did alone. I was drawn to it in isolation, and my time by myself was increasing.”
What started as small bumps soon became daily pinky-width lines, he revealed. “I was feeling shut-in and I could barely even leave my house. The coke felt like a necessary countermeasure for my celebrity, but it was wreaking havoc on my life, creatively and personally. I had become super volatile emotionally. My relationships were in shambles, and I couldn’t get songs out like I wanted. The anger was boiling in me. My rage came from my reality not aligning with my dream.”
“I thought being set financially was going to save me and make everything all right. I thought being Kid Cudi would transform my life in all the best ways. It didn’t.”
Cudi also revealed that Man on the Moon II was created during his drug-heavy phase, and that his suicidal thoughts returned while making Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven.
“After we’d finished a session, I’d be alone Googling exit bags,” he admitted. “I was thinking about a way I could actually do it. I was plotting it. There’s a song at the end of Speedin’ Bullet where I say goodbye, and that was meant to be my final album. I was going to kill myself at the end of that album, or before it came out, or during that cycle. I was not planning to live that year. Not many people around me expected me to either.”
Cudi: The Memoir is set to hit shelves on August 12.
