Keri Hilson admitted she once wanted to “disappear” from music while battling depression.
The R&B singer-songwriter, who’s been open about her mental health struggles, recently spoke about reaching a breaking point in her life during an interview with V-103 Atlanta on Tuesday (October 21).
Around the five-minute mark of the conversation, Hilson reflected on a “series of moments” that made her realize she needed help.
“One was me realizing that the thing that I had grown up to love and pursue relentlessly—my life was radio silent, and I wasn’t used to that,” she told hosts Big Tigger and Jazzy McBee. “But one day I didn’t realize it had happened. You know, things transition and you’re kind of unaware, and I just realized, like, I don’t listen to music at all. I don’t sing. I don’t hum. I probably didn’t whistle.”
The “Pretty Girl Rock” singer revealed that losing her passion for music was a clear “indicator” that she wanted to “hide and disappear.” “I didn’t want to die, but I wanted to disappear,” she explained.
Hilson went on to share that she’s taken a “hero dose” of psychedelic mushrooms twice under medical supervision and hasn’t felt “anywhere near bottom” since.
Earlier this year, she partly linked her depression and long break from the music scene to the “regret” she felt after recording a 2009 diss track widely rumored to be aimed at Beyoncé. It was later revealed that songwriter Ester Dean had co-written the track, leading Hilson to call her out on social media for staying silent about it for years.
Hilson previously discussed her experience with mushrooms on Angie Martinez’s IRL podcast, saying the sessions “cured” her depression.
